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Entertainment RSS Feeds'Sissies' headed to bigscreen - Film News: Shores to produce, direct film adaptation -- Del Shores Prods. is partnering with Funny Boy Films to develop a feature from the stage production of "Southern Baptist Sissies" with Leslie Jordan and Delta Burke toplining. Shores will produce with Kirkland Tibbels of Funny Boy and Jason Dottley of Del Shores Prods. with filming expected to begin in the spring. Shores will direct. "Sissies" portrays four boys' experiences growing up gay in the Baptist Church. Other cast members from the play are attached, including Beth Grant, Rosemary Alexander, Scott Presley, Rich Delia and Newell Alexander. Tibbels and Shores worked together on developing the upcoming half-hour television series based on Shores' play turned movie "Sordid Lives" for MTV's Logo channel. The play premiered at Los Angeles' Zephyr Theatre in 2000 followed by a 10-month sold-out run. It won the GLAAD Award for outstanding production of the year. "Sissies" is Shores' third theater production to be made into a ...Feed Source: feeds.feedburner.com Lumber Kings (Die konige der nutzholzgewinnung) - Film Reviews: Director/co-scenarist Matthias Keilich's "Lumber Kings" is a likeably low-key tale of working-class stiffs struggling to get a leg up, much in the mode of "The Full Monty" and similar underdog ensemblers. Still, seriocomedy should prove a fest crowd-pleaser and viable pickup for purveyors of small-screen Euro entertainment.... Brown, Beyonce head to ICM - Tenpercenteries: Performers represented by agency in all areas -- Chris Brown, the teen singer who made his film debut in "Stomp the Yard," has inked with ICM for representation in all areas. Agency will represent Brown's theatrical career, worldwide touring and new media and global branding opportunities.... Screen Media to distribute pics - Home Ent News: Homevideo distributor gets theatrical -- Homevid distributor Screen Media Films is getting into the theatrical game, debuting a distribution arm at Sundance. Company's first release will be "Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas," a comedy starring Patrick Fugit ("Almost Famous") and produced by Paul and Chris Weitz. Screen Media will release film to theaters in May.... The Rock, Stamp get 'Smart' - Film News: Thesps join Carell, Hathaway in pic -- Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Terence Stamp are set to join Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway in "Get Smart." Shooting begins next month on the Peter Segal-directed comedy for Warner Bros. and Village Roadshow Pictures.... Paltrow to star in 'Iron Man' - Film News: Actress joining Downey Jr. in Marvel film -- Gwyneth Paltrow will join Robert Downey Jr. and Terrence Howard in "Iron Man," the Jon Favreau-directed film that is being financed by Marvel Studios and released by Paramount Pictures in May 2008.... Disney options 'Mars' series - Film News: Studio may bring sci-fi show to bigscreen -- Disney is optioning rights to the Edgar Rice Burroughs sci-fi series "John Carter of Mars" as a potential franchise for the studio. Paramount had previously owned the rights to the epic and had set the project up with Jon Favreau directing and Sean Daniel and Jim Jacks producing. ... NBC cancels 'Passions' - TV Renewals & Rejections: Eight-year-old soap ends run -- The Peacock has pulled the plug on "Passions." Net today will announce the cancellation of the nearly eight-year-old soap, which was known for its young-skewing supernatural storylines. Death had been anticipated in the wake of NBC's decision to expand "Today" to four hours (Daily Variety, Jan. 15).... CBS has more 'Ray' play - TV Renewals & Rejections: 'Rachael' to continue through 2010 -- CBS Domestic Distribution said Tuesday from its booth on the convention floor that it has cleared its freshman gabber "Rachael Ray" for two additional years, taking the strip out through the 2010 season.... Redford to direct 'Guitar' - Exclusives: She makes feature debut with indie film -- Amy Redford is making her feature directing debut on "The Guitar," an indie film just getting under way in New York.... Sony Pictures taps acquisition team - Film News: Appointees will debut at Sundance -- Peter Schlessel, president of Sony Pictures Worldwide Acquisitions, will today name Adrian Alperovich senior exec VP-general manager and Lara Thompson senior VP of acquisitions.... Globes' boogie wonderland - VPage: This year there were a record seven parties -- Are the Golden Globe-nominated movies and TV shows better than ever? Maybe. The after-parties sure are, with more events, more guests, bigger budgets and more creativity in their design.... Golden galas galore - Award Central 2006 Vpage #2: This year there were a record seven parties -- Are the Golden Globe-nominated movies and TV shows better than ever? Maybe. The after-parties sure are, with more events, more guests, bigger budgets and more creativity in their design.... SAG asks for hike in dues - Labor Issues: Could be first increase in 8 years -- With no opposition in sight, Screen Actors Guild leaders are asking the 120,000 members of the performers union for the first dues hike in eight years.... Dinerstein joins Lakeshore - Business News: Exec to oversee marketing, distribution -- Former Paramount Classics co-prexy David Dinerstein has joined Lakeshore Entertainment in the newly created position of prexy of worldwide marketing and distribution.... Golden Globes power NBC - Los Angeles: Show earned 20 million viewers overall -- The Golden Globes continued its modest ratings rally Monday, winning the night for NBC with the show's best numbers in three years.... MPAA, NATO reform ratings system - Front Page: Process more clear for parents, filmmakers -- Looking to reform and demystify the ratings system, the MPAA and National Assn. of Theater Owners are planning a series of changes, including a new admonishment to parents that certain R-rated movies aren't suitable for younger kids, period.... Showtime gets J.Lo's help - TV News: Lopez sets up sitcom 'Ayuda' -- Showtime is getting some "Ayuda" from Jennifer Lopez and "Friends" alum Alexa Junge. Duo are developing a single-camera half-hour laffer for the paybox that's set in the world of Latina nannies in Los Angeles.... HBO turns 'Fire' into fantasy series - Los Angeles: Cabler acquires rights to Martin's 'Ice' -- HBO has acquired the rights to turn George R.R. Martin's bestselling fantasy series "A Song of Fire and Ice" into a dramatic series to be written and exec produced by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss.... Fox picks up 'Chicken' pilot - Pilot Watch: Werner, Gold, Miller to exec produce -- Pilot pickup -- "Playing Chicken," a half-hour comedy about mismatched brothers. Fire-breathing conservative Jake suffers an accident that leaves him wheelchair-bound, forcing him to move in with his smart lefty brother Tim.... Guru - Film Reviews: South India's leading director, Mani Ratnam, again ventures north into the Hindi scene with "Guru," a rags-to-riches drama typically seasoned with a political message. Beyond the Bollywood circuit, festivals may bite on this, as with the helmer's past movies.... Women rule new Fox show - TV News: Rocket Science producing reality project -- Fox has pacted with the producers of "Joe Millionaire" and "Temptation Island" for a reality skein that might best be described as "Desperate Housewives: The Revenge."... The Moon and the Stars
- Film Reviews: "The Moon and the Stars" feels stilted and irrelevant. Directed by vet Brit helmer John Irvin with a fraction of his former energy, pic is classic Euro-pudding, with a strange Blighty overlay on a saga about a struggling film crew making a non-operatic version of "Tosca" at Cinecitta Studios. ... Sonia - Film Reviews: Lucy Kostelanetz's first feature, "Sonia," burrows into personal family genealogy only to surface in the vortex of a vast historical movement, in this case not the Holocaust but the Russian Revolution. ... The Vietnamization of New Jersey: A American Tragedy - Legit Reviews: With the war in Iraq rapidly deteriorating into a farcical nightmare, it must have seemed a bright idea to revive Christopher Durang's nightmarish farce about a quintessential American family that goes to pieces when their soldier son returns home wounded from Vietnam. ... Half-Life - Legit Reviews: Toronto's John Mighton studied as a philosopher and mathematician before launching a career as a playwright. All three of his chosen fields can be detected in "Half-Life," a carefully wrought, deeply moving study of love, old age and memory that deserves to have a long life on world stages.... The Secret Show - TV Reviews: Retro-style animation mixed with futuristic adventures make for an odd match in Nicktoons' mostly uninspired "The Secret Show." BBC-commissioned tyke fare attempts to humor kids by letting on that secret agents are less James Bond and more Maxwell Smart; a 5-year-old, obviously, won't know either.... Factory Girl - Film Reviews: The wild, unhinged life of Andy Warhol's favorite "superstar," Edie Sedgwick, is refashioned in "Factory Girl" as a tame biopic with little feel for the 1960s New York Underground. With last-minute reshoots and editing, the pic feels rushed, and it will have a hard time registering with target auds until impending vid release.... Eragon - DVD Reviews: The swords-and-dragons epic "Eragon" falls victim to the same sad fate as most movie tie-in games: Because the game had to be released concurrently with the film, the title ends up unpolished and incomplete. Given more time, the developers might have tapped into "Eragon's" potential.... Family Guy - DVD Reviews: "Family Guy" is another example of a game created solely for one purpose: to pry open the wallets of the TV show's large cult following. Miserable from start to finish, even the relatively bargain price of $29.99 is about 29 dollars too high.... The Sopranos: Road to Respect - DVD Reviews: Though it takes place in the violent world of organized crime, "The Sopranos" is an unlikely candidate for a videogame. After all, Tony Soprano spends more time in therapy than kicking ass. That problem is extremely evident in "The Sopranos: Road to Respect," a game that would be lame with any title, but is particularly disappointing given its connection to one of TV's great series.... Superman Returns - DVD Reviews: "Superman Returns" perfectly embodies the phrase "too little, too late." After a five-month delay, EA's adaptation of the WB summer tentpole is finally out, just in time for the homevideo window, with impressive graphics and sound but shockingly little for players to do. Like its theatrical predecessor, it will probably end up an underperformer.... The Monastery - Film Reviews: A curmudgeonly octogenarian offers his crumbling Danish castle to the Russian Orthodox Church, but then clashes with the new nun-in-chief about how to run the place in accomplished docu "The Monastery." Using material shot sporadically over six years, TV-experienced helmer Pernille Rose Gronkjaer builds an affectionate but admirably unsentimental portrait of her eccentric, headstrong protagonists. ... 4 Elements - Film Reviews: Workers in four different countries are seen contending with fire, ocean waves, the bowels of the earth and space travel in debutante helmer Jiska Rickels' poetic docu "4 Elements." Although atmospheric and engaging at the very least on an anthropological level, pic isn't quite as technically polished or as visually breathtaking as, say, "Workingman's Death" or "Our Daily Bread," two recent docus about labor and landscape that "Elements" immediately calls to mind. Nevertheless, the film was well received when it opened IDFA, and inclusion in further fest programs looks as elementary as "one, two, three."... On A Tightrope - Film Reviews: Made-for-TV docu "On a Tightrope" tracks a selection of agile orphans from the Muslim Uighur minority in Xinjiang Province, China, who are learning circus skills from two very different teachers. Competently assembled, if a little low on pizzazz, telegenic "Tightrope" should secure small-screen bookings after a short walk around festival big-tops.... Enemies of Happiness (Vores Lykkes Fjender) - Film Reviews: A political docu with a difference, "Enemies of Happiness" follows National Assembly candidate Malalai Joya, a 28-year-old Afghani woman, as she trods the local campaign trail, dodging death threats along the way. ... Miss Potter - Film Reviews: Beatrix Potter may not be thought of as a feminist environmentalist by the generations weaned on her classic tales, but the creator of "Peter Rabbit" is given such a modernized frame in "Miss Potter." Renee Zellweger, in another Blighty role, struggles to make Beatrix credible, and pic similarly will struggle to attract auds in an extremely crowded season.... Eragon - Film Reviews: Kicking off yet another projected cinematic trilogy laden with dungeons, dragons and digital wizardry, "Eragon" confirms that novelist Christopher Paolini is no J.R.R. Tolkien -- but more to the point, helmer Stefen Fangmeier is no Peter Jackson. ... The Painted Veil - Film Reviews: Intelligent scripting, solid thesping and eye-catching location shooting aren't enough to make a compelling modern film of "The Painted Veil," W. Somerset Maugham's yarn about Brits run amok in 1920s China. Well appointed in all respects, this story of a shallow adulteress's gradual discovery of her starchy husband's worth while battling a cholera epidemic in a backwater village feels remote and old-school despite a frankness the two previous film versions lacked. ... Charlotte's Web - Film Reviews: E.B. White's book is "Charlotte's Web" the classic; Paramount and Walden Media's film is "Charlotte's Web" the commodity. Given the property, big-name cast and film's inoffensive nature, however, it would be hard for this pic to miss commercially with general audiences over the holidays.... Non-Virtue (A Sketch-1960)) Dedicated to Mike Siluk)) - "Hurry up, come here!" He said.
My brother, Mike, was smoking in the backyard underneath some bushes afraid mother would see him, thus hiding somewhat, and he spotted me, or I him, I can't remember fully who got the first glance, but we were seeing eye to eye now, so I leaned down and got closer to those bushes, and sure enough it was Mike, smoking a cigarette, if I had any doubts before, I had none now.... World Peace-A Reasonable Solution - If we catered the whole world to focus on our kids, we would pull ourselves out of this slump. Think about it! It will work. When we make our kids happy, we make ourselves happy. But, not only that. In order for us to cater this world to our kids, we would have to start thinking like them.... Mel Gibson and the Passion of Hollywood - LOS ANGELES, March 7 (EP Newswire) -Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" continues it reign as the top movie at the box office taking in $51.4 million in its second weekend. The film has surpassed the $200 million mark in just 12 days.
Confidential Memo
To: Harry Mayburn, President, Pollyanna Pictures
From: Leo Wallace, V.P. Production, Pollyanna Pictures
Re: The Peaceful Buddha
Hi Harry,
Brilliant idea! Here's what I've been able to find out about Buddha so far.... The Afterlife Revealed - Have you ever wondered where people go when they die? Heaven? Purgatory? How about a sound stage in Queens?
Apparently that's the liveliest place to meet dead people if you've ever seen John Edward's syndicated TV show Crossing Over.... Using Scam Emailers to Hone Up on Your Creative Writing Skills - Lately, I have been besieged by email scams from residents of foreign lands requesting my assistance and money to help them claim millions of dollars they have spirited away in a desperate attempt to escape a political coup or subsequent arrest as experienced by one or more of their unfortunate but wildly prosperous family members.
You've probably received similar pleas from distressed foreigners and have chosen to delete them. You shouldn't. Responding to these letters is a wonderful opportunity to hone up on your creative writing skills and should not be passed up. C'mon I'll show you.... An Open Letter to All Restaurant Owners - Do you know the number one reason most restaurants fail within their first year of business?
They deserve it, that's why.
I know that sounds harsh but you have to understand that when we come into your establishments, it's because we're choosing to pay for a dining experience we can't get at home. Our expectations aren't high -all we desire is a decent meal, a little service and the peace of mind that comes from knowing we don't have to drag the shopvac up from the basement to clean under our children's chairs. That doesn't seem like too much to ask, does it?... Peter Sellers: Comedian - The Comic Genius of Peter Sellers. A look at his life and films including the very popular Pink Panther films and Dr Strangelove... Wacky and Wild Uses for Zip Ties - Cable Ties and Zip Ties can be used for things you wouldn't even imagine. Find out how this single product lends a hand to any number of people and situations.... India's Heartthrob - Bollywood - Indians are crazy about Bollywood. Sometimes the loss of a pet dog of a filmstar becomes a national issue!.... Calling All Inventors - There was an article in the New York Times this week about an executive from a Silicon Valley venture capital firm who staged a contest called "Pitch Tim Draper on Your Billion Dollar Idea". Mr. Draper's intention is to uncover and conceivably fund business opportunities that are innovative, unique and marketable.... John Kerry's Response to Quinnipiac Poll - NOVEMBER 28th, 2006: WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Democratic Sen. John Kerry, considering a second bid for the U.S. presidency, finished dead last in a poll released on Monday on the Likeability of 20 top American political figures.
Tuesday morning, November 28th. 9:15 a.m. Russell Senate Office Building. Transcript of a meeting between Senator John Kerry and his chief of staff, Dave-... Bush and Cheney Seek Advice on Iraq - December 11, 2006 WASHINGTON, AP: President Bush on Monday opened three days of intensive consultations on Iraq, saying the United States and countries across the Middle East have a vital stake in helping the fragile government in Baghdad succeed. Bush is under intense pressure to come up with a new approach in Iraq, particularly after the Republicans' loss of Congress was blamed on the president's handling of the war.
State Department Conference Room, Wednesday, December 13th. President George Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice are seated around the table as former President Jimmy Carter makes his exit.... Introducing The Only Child Rearing Book a Parent Will Ever Need - Are you a parent? Potential parent? Expecting parent? Do you ever read parenting books just to celebrate the fact that you aren't a parent and still have your freedom? If so, you're going to love my new book, Kids You Can Count On.... Driver Beware - A glance in my rear view mirror. Nothing within a 100 yards. A second later I glance again and there is a silver Lexus so close, I can see the driver's had one of his teeth capped. I look again and the car has disappeared. Where did he go? My left eye catches a silver blur and what looks like a sneer from the driver as he hurtles past me at 88 miles per hour. In an instant the blur turns back into a Lexus as the car jerks violently into my lane 18 inches from my front bumper and then comes to an abrupt stop. Yes, he is the victor today. He has beaten me to the tollbooth.... Solving the Character Issue - In this emotional political season where divining the true character of our political candidates is more difficult than telling the cleaners where to deliver Donald Rumsfeld's pants, I find my thoughts turning first to spring, simply because I've about had it with winter and then to Richard Nixon, the first political sacrifice made to the pagan gods of television.... Overheard at the White House January 4th - Saddam Hussein's execution has triggered a controversy that has to do wit the opposition to the death penalty and to the fact that valuable information could have been obtained from Saddam. The President and the First Lady argue about it. Interesting.... Of Shoes - An American recalls problems with clothing purchases in Europe--particularly footwear. He recalls working for three years in Istanbul, trying to rent ski boots, purchase tennis shoes. He concludes with related situations relevant to a new-born infant.... Fun Free Games - Everyone likes to play games from children to adults and you don't have to hurt your wallet organising a fun day or evening of entertainment. Some of the most enjoyable activities are simple free games... Spill It - If it's spillable, I'll spill it. I personify the word "Klutz."... Vacuuming in the Dark - Am I the only one who likes being in the dark?
My home, of course, is a reflection of this dusky romance. The curtains in my living room are a sheer forest green, drawn closed permanently. A bit of gentle light peeks in, but it's not the blinding assault of illumination some people adore. Lamps are my dearest companions; they stand ready in every room except the bathroom, providing shelter from the glaring ceiling lights preferred by my husband.... Blunder After Blunder - The First Lady suggest changes to the President. Briefly, she mentions some of the policies that have not yielded positive results.... Great Cosmic Happy-Ass E-Cards Hit the Internet - The Great Cosmic Happy-Ass Card Co. takes on all Sacred Cows with humor, irony and more than a bit of spiritual enlightenment. Now, the edgy illustrations take to cyberspace as The Great Coz herself, Diane English, transforms her cosmic silliness (and wisdom!) into e-cards.... Bill Of Rights - Where's The Bill Of Lefts? - Isn't it time left-handed people had a Bill of Rights - or should we say, Bill of Lefts?
Until the 20th century was well advanced, Lefties had to behave as Righties if they wanted to get on in life, in spite of having a large contingent of famous people on their side, including such geniuses as Leonardo da Vinci and Albert Einstein.... Overheard at the Defense Department - New generals have new ideas. As long as they agree with policies established by someone in or around or behind the White House those ideas might be considered.... What's in a Name? - Ever wondered what on Earth to name your boat? millions have and have also feared the retribution of the Sea-Gods if they dare to attempt a name change, saying that ill fortune may haunt the boat - However, there is an approved method the will let the Sea-Gods nod in assent and allow unhindered passage of your newly renamed boat upon the briny-... Life On Board - Ever wanted to live abaord a boat? The romantic notion is certainly appealing but there a few other sides to what, may at first, appear to be an idyllic lifestye-... Why I'm Reluctant To Call Myself a Humor Writer - The late Erma Bombeck was once quoted as saying, "Writing humor is 50 times harder than writing anything else." I agree. Erma Bombeck and Art Buchwald are two of my favorite humor writers - they are s-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o funny!... How to Be Funny Without Telling Jokes - Here is how to find humor in not-so-funny stuff. Before long, you will have people laughing a lot at your presentation without telling jokes. Below are some ways to get people to laugh.... Paris on Twenty Thousand Dollars a Day - It might be possible to sped 20,00 dollars a day in Paris. But it takes more than simle spending; there are some rewards worth more. .... Missing Rear End of CatDog Located - Among the new species recently discovered, the Multi-Paw CatDog is considered the most intriguing. Since its discovery, a mystery has been surrounding this creature's digestive system; simply put - the animal does not seem to have a rear end.... Freud Documents Central Role of Sex With His Wife's Sister - New evidence reveals that Sigmund Freud documented his belief in the central role of sex by his own behavior. A Swiss hotel register shows that he signed in with his wife's sister as "Dr Sigm Freud u frau," the German abbreviation for "Dr. Sigmund Freud and wife."
While an affair with the sister, known as "the Minna matter," as opposed to his wife, the Martha matter, has long been the subject of conjecture, the hotel record seems to confirm that he did enjoy a sexual dalliance with the other lady Bernays.... Why Ice Cream Melts In The Sun; The Middle East Explanation - A child ran into an ice-cream shop in The Middle East with tears streaming down his cheeks.
"What's wrong," the shopkeeper asked.
"The ice cream I just bought from you is melting!" the child wailed, holding up the evidence.
Sure enough, the delectable treat was dripping down the cone.
"I'm sorry," the merchant told him.
"I want a new one," the child demanded.
"I'll be happy to give it to you, but I warn you; it will also melt."
"But why?" the child asked. "Is it the heat?"
The shopkeeper glanced at the thermometer that hung on the wall. It read 110 degrees.
"No, son, it is not the heat."
"Then what is it?"
"Blame America."... A Sentimental Visit To The Junkyard of Great Ideas - Excuse our innocence. We used to think that great ideas have influence. But they seem to have been tossed in the junkyard by an alarming number of people, who are evidently guided by ideas that are pretty much the opposite of the ones we have in mind.
We missed the originals and grew sentimental about them. So we reflected on their fate. Here is a selection of them, along with what seem to be their current replacements.... Life Of A Flight Attendant - Indecent Exposure - The life of a Flight Attendant is filled with adventure and excitement. Follow me on this journey! Get a first hand view of this life on the go!... James Brown Tribute in Song and Story - A personal tribute to the God Father of Soul music using his songs interwoven in a story of my life and the impact that he had on American culture and the world. I lived in Bed-Sty Brooklyn across from the Brevort Theater, and remember people lined up the block from Herkimer to Atlantic Avenue waiting to see James Brown. I road my bike to his home in Queens and had the pleasure of shaking his hand. These experiences inspired me to write this tribute. Come reminisce with me the life of the hardest working man in show business.... It's Not That Easy to Deal With A Monkey In Malay - A little dilemma in the Malay language.... Of Men And Purses - "Wow!" I thought. "If only men carried purses everything would be so simple."... The Window Dressers - When I was younger, and still going through that "hippy-hopping of jobs to see what I really wanted to do in life" stage, I had a brief stint as a display person in an older department store. This was one of those places that was built in the 1940's, and probably reached it's heyday in the late 50's & early 60's. The great, brick behemoth, was located at the intersection of two major thoroughfares, and had a number of display windows facing the street on two full sides of the building. Hence, quite often we would find ourselves needing to come up with "full room window dressings", showing off the current styles to passing car and foot traffic.... Throwing Stones at Wax Houses - Last Sunday, I took my son and five of his buddies to celebrate his birthday at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum located right in the heart of the theater district in New York's Times Square.... Boy Breaks Homework Record - History was made the other day when ten-year old Owen Montgomery completed his homework in five hours and two minutes, shattering the record of five hours and six minutes established by ten-year old Alex Floss in 1937.
Here is the account of the spectacular feat as recorded by Owen's father, Eddie:... Bananas - Saturday night my son opened the freezer door, a frozen banana fell out, smashed him on the toe and then my daughter bumped her head on the freezer door when she stood up quickly after retrieving the banana from the floor.
I submit to you that there is no greater window into the complicated dance that is marriage than deconstructing that small, relatively insignificant event.... Who Needs Cable Television - This November, my wife and I broke a taboo so morally reprehensible, they've never even discussed it on the "Jerry Springer Show". We canceled our cable TV.... The Ten Commandments For Attending Church - Do you know what a paradox is? Doesn't matter. I'm going to give you an example any way. A paradox is when a family comes within a hair's breadth of killing each other in order to attend mass on time and emerge afterward with a feeling of peace and spiritual reaffirmation. In addition to being a paradox, it's also a recurring theme - at least in my family - where the hardest part of getting to God's house is getting out of ours.... Geese Enablers - I was driving down a major avenue in my town the other day when I had to slam on the brakes to avoid running over a couple of Canadian geese. There were four geese and they were walking across the street like an avian version of the Beatles' Abbey Road cover.... Everything I Know I Learned From Magazines - Hello friends. Do you ever wonder why there is never enough time or money to do the things you know deep down you'd like to do? To decorate your homes, travel, invest wisely, sculpt your body, add romance or raise your children without resorting to methods more commonly associated with members of the animal kingdom?
I'll tell you why. You're not reading enough magazines! This weekend I corrected every problem I've ever had with my life not to mention 74 I didn't even know I had - simply by reading magazines at the bookstore.... The School Project - Help Is On The Way - My wife and I do too much for our children and the guilt has become so overwhelming, I feel compelled to confess publicly in the hope that someone can guide us out of the dark, twisted labyrinth we disappeared in more than four years ago. The shame of committing countless clandestine acts, relying upon deceit, trickery, and cajolery for the sake of our children has become too much to bear and can no longer be justified by the need to get a decent night's sleep.
I refer of course, to the school project.... Surveyors Shouldn't Laugh! - One of the most fascinating aspects of Marine Surveying is that on the day of inspection you never really know what you are in for. I have been involved, one way or another, with all kinds of boats for over thirty years and I reckon the motto of the surveyor should be "expect the unexpected." In a deadly serious business where people's lives and tens of thousands of other people's dollars are at risk, it pays to develop a few necessary skills, patience and diplomacy amongst them, when dealing with often tense and sometimes downright hostile situations ... Predictions For 2007 - I'm getting the vibes for 2007 right now, in them thar hills in West Virginia. Dare, if you will, to view what just may happen in the coming year!... C3PO Involved in Steroid Scandal - Following a desperate attempt to alter his image, 'Star Wars' android was recently arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance. "I just didn't want to be typecast as a wimp for the rest of my acting career" claims C3PO.... Fidel and His Future - Will Fidel Castro agree to a peaceful retirement? Will the State Department help?... Bed and Breakfast with Lace Curtains and Charm - Short story on Bed and Breakfast in the Chesapeake Bay... You Are Flying Me Nuts - What happens when a third computer flies a plane against the pilot's control?... Way to Go - Can love flourish in the eighties? Age, that is. Humorous story about such love in a golf club.... Laughter Found a Way - Being a single father is difficult. Being a single father with three daughters is difficulty times a million. The betrayal that left me alone to raise them plus the everyday stresses of life had taken laughter and locked it away. I didn't know if I would laugh ever again. Until .... Books For Review - It is a humor article in which a few books are reviewed.... Bubba's Cake Baking for the Holidays - After the age of 50 some of us begin to assume different character traits. Some of these traits may be due to a smaller dose of testosterone flowing through our bodies or it may be we have just mellowed over the years. The kids are grown, weddings are done, and retirement is just around the corner. Now is the time for those hobbies and pastimes we never took time for as younger individuals. Some of us have even taken to reading Southern Living Magazine. (There are some good looking young women in this magazine, and they cover SEC football during the fall of the year.) Southern Living also has features on golf courses and they always have several articles on one of our favorite pastimes FOOD.... In Your Office, How Many Bosses are Too Many? - So, once I was asked to design stationary for a company that had the misfortune of hiring a smart a** like myself. The company is pretty small, but there is never a shortage of managing personnel to weigh in on the design during ... A Lesson In 'Australian' For My International Friends - So in an attempt to bridge the conversational gap, I have decided to publish a guide to the Aussie language. I don't want to overload you in your first lesson so I'll be gentle, patient and brief. If you ever want to integrate seamlessly into the Australian culture, you'll need to master at least some of the following words:... A Childhood Lesson on Goal Setting: "Keep One Eye on the Goal, Two on The Process" - Most of our adult philosophies are established from our childhood experiences. One of the lessons from my youth is to "keep one eye on the goal but two on the process." It's a lesson I learned about walking the line between personal ambition and public praise. I learned this lesson the hard way.... The Roguish Monsters, aka Shareholders - Who are those shareholders for whom we all struggle all our lives? Are they malignant or benign? Friend or enemy?... Cellular Phones Were Used By the Ancient Incas - Archaeologists unearthed artifacts that shed new light on how the Inca used cellular phones to organize their sun-worship rituals and communicate with their gods. The artifacts include physical evidence of an actual cell phone embedded in the remains of a totem pole.... Catherine Tate Biography - About life of Catherine Tate and her popular TV show the Catherine Tate Show.... Extensive New Study Fits Americans Like A Tee - Researchers are now discovering that the T-shirt has made significant inroads as the garment of necessity not only in the event of an emergency, but crucial for coping with life's daily ordeals.... Homeowner Humor - Recently I was reminded that as a homeowner, I am required to become knowledgeable about a variety of subjects, on a fairly constant basis. My "classes" can pop-up (unannounced) on a 24/7 schedule, and part of the exercise is being able to find the appropriate person to call/ask, to address the immediate problem.... Why Starbucks Won't Be Inviting Me Over For Dinner - I went to Starbucks for the first time in my life. The chaos that ensued will go down in history for sure. What exactly does Ethiopean bean really mean? This short, funny article is spreading around the web with tremendous speed. A real must read.... Funny Pictures: Scream With Laughter! - The best way to have a good laugh is to look at funny, comical pictures.... God Bless You: Why Do We Say It - Learn why people say bless you when someone sneezes.... Happy Holidays - Is It Ok To Say That - I don't know about you, but I have NEVER had a problem conveying a seasons greeting. Be it "Merry Christmas, Happy Hannuka, Happy Holidays or Cool Yule," no one EVER got bent out of shape either by a correct salutation which matched the person's philosophy of life or religion, or saying "Blessed Solstice" to an Episcopal minister. Everyone understood it was the INTENTION of the greeting to warm the heart of both giver and receiver.... A Dinner Fable - Diet loyalties are fierce, and nutrition a cause for debate, but we all know the true best medicine.... Tommy Cooper Funny Comedian - about life and comic talent of Tommy Cooper. Tommy Cooper was a magician with a unique comic touch.... Is "She Is 4 Prostitute In All Of Kazakhstan" The Funniest Movie Line Of All Time? - Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006) has some incredible lines. Is this the one that shoots Diet Coke out of the nose hardest?... Peter Kay On Leonard The Oldest Newspaper Boy In Bolton - Leonard the oldest newspaper boy in Britain featured in the DVD "The Peter Kay Thing." The character was based on a real life character Peter got to know whilst working at petrol station in Bolton. Peter Kay remembers he was a bright cheerfully optimistic guy. He got to know and like him quite well even though some people thought Leonard was a bit weird for his choice of clothes and driving around in a pink Robin Reliant.... Trivia Questions And Answers By A Trivia Break - Trivia Questions And Answers By A Trivia Break... A Fish Story - Today, my fish died. It was very sad.... Not Great with Plants - Some people have green thumbs and living things just seem to flourish in their presence. And then there's me.... Laughing All the Way to Keep the Doctor Away - Humor is one aspect of the human condition which gives us a handsome health quotient, apart from a jolly good time. That explains why the need for humor is never stale in today's world. Here is a brief note on how humor has sunk in in our lives.... Miss Chantemerle 2004 - A Cross Dressing Extravaganza in Serre Chevalier - Every Year on the 23rd January it is the birthday pf one of Serre Chevalier's more famous inhabitants, Jackson Collins. Jackson and his good friend Darren Turner (of Insight Ski) devised this famous beauty pageant, Miss Chantemerle. There are no rules except one, you must be male! This one of the most fun nights of the Serre Chevalier winter season.... You Might Feel Some Slight Pressure - A humorous look at my recent visit to the hospital.... It's Simple, Kinda - A humorous look at the election system and government in the US.... I Feel Better Already, in a Sick Kind of Way - A look at the prescription drug world from a slightly bent point of view.... Educating Educators on Education - A humorous look at the current state of education in the US.... Butt Out - An inside look to the politically correct double standard in the world as it pertains to movies.... Blast From The Past - A look back at my father as compared to my time in fatherhood.... Black Friday - An in-depth but funny look into the world of shopping the day after Thanksgiving.... Staplers, Binders, and Paper Clips Oh My! - A humorous look at government spending and the absurdity of it all.... Customer Service and the Identity Crisis - A few weeks ago I noticed a problem with my financial situation: My money was leaving home and not coming back with anything to show for it. I found this out by reading my debit card statement. It seems that I was making large purchases, several times a day and the money in my account was dwindling fast. Strange. I didn't remember buying a new computer from Bart's Computer and Chicken (17 locations in Kentucky to serve you). Nor had I made any cellular telephone purchases from Folsom California.... 2006 Humor in Print Review - Humorous look at the humor in print for 2006.... Sales Opportunity: Hawk Your Goods to Those Who Deserve Them Most - How many of you parents have tickets or products to sell? You know, raffle tickets or candy or some other goody to help "the cause" raise money? How many of you enjoy harassing friends and family to buy these things? Does it bother you to know that people prefer a mailbox of anthrax to a visit from you? Well, I'm here to tell you that you no longer have to be the unwitting scum of the earth, because there is a whole untapped seller's market out there juicy-ripe for the picking.... Manual for Aspiring Couch Potatoes - The 21st century is very hectic and stressful. Wouldn't you prefer to be a couch potato? Here is the perfect manual for how to live at home without ever leaving.... Man Store - I don't want to be a man. I don't want to dress like one, eat like one, or think like one. And I certainly don't want to shop like one. So what was I doing in a Man Store last week? I had no choice, that's what.... Am I an FOB Or Not - A, B, C, D, E, F.O.B. Now you must be wondering what's wrong with my English.
Don't-
FOB (pronounced "fob," but usually with an exclamation, like "FOB!") means Fresh Off Boat! It refers to an individual that is new to a country.... Soda With a Disclaimer - Going through the drive through at KFC today, I ordered an extra large Diet Pepsi, cause I need that much caffeine. Right after ordering it the female voice on the intercom says "Do you understand that the extra large is a half gallon of soda and does not fit in any drink holders." I said that I did and was asked to pull forward.... Biography of Peter Kay - Biography of one of Britain's top comedians Peter Kay. Peter Kay was born and brought up in Bolton. Alot of his comic material comes from his early experiences and characters in Bolton.... Six Digit Man Leads the Way to the Future - Researchers at the Bill Gates Medical Center were astonished to discover that a recent patient had six functional fingers in his left hand, forming the previously impossible one-handed Ctrl-Alt-Delete 'anguish grip.'... Party Jokes: Startling But Unnecessary - Read 20 previously unknown secrets about general living that will give you a good laugh.... Dear Santa - Humorous letter to Santa regarding his weight... Everything Is Different In England - In England everything is the other way around.... Google Salutes Chick-fil-A Cows - Google, the Search Engine Giant, has recently saluted the three cows mostly identified with advertising Chick-fil-A restaurants. The cows were commended for promoting the public's health and the awareness of correct spelling. A protest arranged by a group of chickens has quickly diminished.... Salk Institute Forum On Religion And Science Almost Grasps The Obvious - Recently, there was a forum on religion and science at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla, California, attended by a number of brilliant people who have obviously walked by the philosophy section of their campus bookstores without picking up a copy of anything.
The meeting was, expectedly, weighted toward skepticism, with the vocal Richard Dawkins, the evolutionary biologist from Oxford, who wrote "The God Delusion," in attendance to inform us, ""I am utterly fed up with the respect that we - all of us, including the secular among us - are brainwashed into bestowing on religion."
Francis S. Collins, author of "The Language of God: A Scientists Presents Evidence for Belief," was invited but could not attend, or decided the better part of wisdom was to absent himself.... Excuse Me, President Putin, But Is The Caviar Radioactive? - A dignitary on a recent visit to Russia got the most frightening assignment of his career.
The Prime Minister told him, "You've been invited to have dinner with Vladimir Putin."
"No, no," he exclaimed frantically, "Anything but that! I could end up like Litvinenko!"
"Sorry," the PM informed him. "Our relationship with Russian is too important to be damaged by the death of a mere ex-spy. You owe it to your country to have dinner with him."
"Are you going to join me?" the dignitary asked.
"I would but that evening I have another engagement in another country," the Prime Minister replied, and then frowned. "Enough hesitation! You must do you duty."... Democrats Face Reality - So We Thought We'd Interview Reality - As the Democrats move from electioneering to responsible governance, we hear they'll have to face reality. The question is, whose reality? Their own or George Bush's?
In order to throw some light on how the contention might evolve, we thought we'd interview Reality. So we jumped on the Metroliner and headed for Washington.
Reality was kind enough to meet with us between his busy activities in both houses of Congress. So, like it or not, here's Reality.... Al Sharpton And Jesse Jackson Repent For Use Of The "W" Word - Immediately after admonishing Michael Richards, aka Kramer, for his desperate but inexcusable use of the "N" word, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson simultaneously looked up and realized that they are often guilty of the not always innocent use of the "W" word.
"Oh, I am so sorry," Al admitted, "I just got done calling Kramer onto the carpet for using the "N" word, when I myself have often been guilty of the vituperative use of the "W" word. I have most regrettably been thoughtless in reverse."... Life Within Finitude - How Bad Is It, I Wondered, Beside A Portrait Of George Washington? - Recently, I was sitting in a restaurant, beside a fading portrait of George Washington, as he looked down from above the fireplace. I became wistful about how even the most revered of human heroes are fragile and mortal. They all plod along in finitude like the rest of us, doing the best they can, and then time folds them up and tosses them in the trash basket of eternity.
I felt, as the phrase goes, the tragic sense of life. Are we all finally no more than crumbling leaves, tumbling in the autumn wind?
Then I reflected, as I make myself do during such melancholy and suspect observations, on the wholeness of life. We are also, I reminded myself, the fresh green leaves of spring and the mature ones of summer.... Mohammed Sent Back To Earth To Apologize - Read Post-It From God - The other day, we got a welcome call from a guy who claimed to be Mohammed. He said God sent him back to the earth with a Post-It note, and he wanted to come over and read it to us, so we could get it out over the Internet.
We were sure he was a kook, so, being securely sane, we invited him over.
Later, we got a call from the lobby, telling us there was a guy down there in a long white gown who identified himself as Mohammed but didn't have a photo ID.
"Sure, send him up," we told the guard.
Soon, there was a knock on the door. We opened it and, sure enough, there stood a man who looked just the way you'd expect a Seventh Century Bedouin like to look in clean clothes.
He raised his hand, and said, "Hi. I'm Mohammed. God sent me with a Post-It."
"Great," we replied. "Please, come in."
"Thanks."
We closed the door behind him and motioned toward the conference room.... The Alamo In Iraq - Bush Vows To Fight To The Last Iraqi - While the consensus in America has come down decidedly on leaving Iraqi to the Iraqis, George Bush seems to inhabit an Alamo of the mind. There he is, an unlikely Davy Crockett, along with Dick Cheney, as an even more unlikely Jim Bowie, holding out against all odds and vowing to fight to the last Iraqi.
Only trouble is, the entire policy is based on a decision that the Iraqis themselves are incapable of sorting out their differences, as well as turning their national pride on al-Qaeda.... The McGreedys Finally Have a Good Christmas! - Greed is not always funny but it is with this family ... New Writer's Market? - If you are a person with one eye open for new opportunities, you might consider an industry that appears to be growing by leaps and bounds.... Throwing Stones at Wax Houses - Last Sunday, I took my son and five of his buddies to celebrate his birthday at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum located right in the heart of the theater district in New York's Times Square.... Boy Breaks Homework Record - History was made the other day when ten-year old Owen Montgomery completed his homework in five hours and two minutes, shattering the record of five hours and six minutes established by ten-year old Alex Floss in 1937.
Here is the account of the spectacular feat as recorded by Owen's father, Eddie:... Bananas - Saturday night my son opened the freezer door, a frozen banana fell out, smashed him on the toe and then my daughter bumped her head on the freezer door when she stood up quickly after retrieving the banana from the floor.
I submit to you that there is no greater window into the complicated dance that is marriage than deconstructing that small, relatively insignificant event.... Who Needs Cable Television - This November, my wife and I broke a taboo so morally reprehensible, they've never even discussed it on the "Jerry Springer Show". We canceled our cable TV.... The Ten Commandments for Attending Church - Do you know what a paradox is? Doesn't matter. I'm going to give you an example any way. A paradox is when a family comes within a hair's breadth of killing each other in order to attend mass on time and emerge afterward with a feeling of peace and spiritual reaffirmation. In addition to being a paradox, it's also a recurring theme - at least in my family - where the hardest part of getting to God's house is getting out of ours.... Geese Enablers - I was driving down a major avenue in my town the other day when I had to slam on the brakes to avoid running over a couple of Canadian geese. There were four geese and they were walking across the street like an avian version of the Beatles' Abbey Road cover.... Everything I Know I Learned From Magazines - Hello friends. Do you ever wonder why there is never enough time or money to do the things you know deep down you'd like to do? To decorate your homes, travel, invest wisely, sculpt your body, add romance or raise your children without resorting to methods more commonly associated with members of the animal kingdom?
I'll tell you why. You're not reading enough magazines! This weekend I corrected every problem I've ever had with my life not to mention 74 I didn't even know I had - simply by reading magazines at the bookstore.... The School Project - Help Is On The Way - My wife and I do too much for our children and the guilt has become so overwhelming, I feel compelled to confess publicly in the hope that someone can guide us out of the dark, twisted labyrinth we disappeared in more than four years ago. The shame of committing countless clandestine acts, relying upon deceit, trickery, and cajolery for the sake of our children has become too much to bear and can no longer be justified by the need to get a decent night's sleep.
I refer of course, to the school project.... Quiet Please - Soccer Game in Progress - Icy temperatures far below normal. Gale force winds. Stinging sheets of horizontal rain. Cascading rivers of mud.
This abnormal change in our weather patterns can only mean one thing. Somebody somewhere has scheduled a children's soccer game.... The Catalog - A Modern Fable - A cautionary tale about how mail order catalogs can threaten the institution of marriage.... The Stall Talker - Today I was in the men's washroom at work, washing my hands, when I hear a voice from the stall behind me - THE DREADED STALL TALKER! Why must this happen to me?... Copyright © 2009, QualityHosting4U's Link Exchange. All Rights Reserved. |